I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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