what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
