Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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