well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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