he shaved USA in his pubs
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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