I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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