Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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