I heard we made out
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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