It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
