I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
