I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
