508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
