Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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