According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You were trust falling into bushes
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
