Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
