I think i peed on brittanys purse
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
