the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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