I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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