we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
