I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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