u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
