Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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