i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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