i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
