Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
