Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
