Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
