He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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