matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
