Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
