I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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