They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
