Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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