Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
