literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
