tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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