Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
