I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
