Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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