She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
