A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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