Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
