I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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