No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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