i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
