Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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