9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
