I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
