Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
