What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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