I'm so fucking centered right now
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
