dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
