I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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