why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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