If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
